My ears listened. The voice inside my head paused for a moment, just finishing the ever-lasting “to do” list.
Pause. Scan my surroundings. Quiet the curiosity of my mind.
And then I heard it.
I heard nothing at all.
I forgot how much I had valued silence. I last experienced it ten months ago. My mind jolted back to last Spring when I would drive to work with no radio on. I remember when I would listen to my heartbeat when I had the time to work out. I remember the first time all three of my children slept the entire night.
The last week of May, I entered final exam week in a semi-vacant classroom. The majority of my students sat for their Cambridge exams earlier that month so were mostly exempt from my exam.
I kept the lights off and opened the shades of the small windows. I finalized my grade book and cleaned up my classroom. I tucked my phone into my school bag and silenced my smart watch. My fingers clicked close my email tab, and I removed any book I may be tempted to read.
Ten months ago, my husband accepted a job that would move our family 1,100 miles South. The next ten weeks were a whirlwind, prepping for the sale of the house, moving into an AirBnb, finding a job, getting the children settled in a new school and daycare. It was the adrenaline I was ready for.
My children started school 48 hours after arrived, and I had a teaching job solidified within two weeks.
First year as a teacher is really challenging.
It’s sort of like always being just one step behind and daily thinking “well, next time, I will do this.” It is unsatisfying and uncomfortable.
Luckily, I caught my stride by midterms and felt, more or less, accomplished ending my school year.
So that last week of school, my life came to a complete hault.
The rush of all life changes crashed into me. My body sat in the cleaned up classroom with only my thoughts.
I was willing to move our life but essentially kept the same routine but in a new location. What I was no longer willing to do was this “rush” from 5am until 9pm.
I savored in the silence for a moment, and then I got to work. My family was established, kids were happy, everything was in its place.
I would dedicate this silence to explore “what’s next” for me?
So for twenty hours I took myself back to my college days and I began my journey, intended to re-discover myself and seek my “next.”
Sitting in silence ignited this desire.
